“You largely
constructed your depression. It wasn’t given to you. Therefore, you can
deconstruct it.” Albert Ellis
Although
unhappiness is the underlying cause of depression, there are many other factors
that may actually cause or trigger the onset of depression, because depression
does not just happen by itself. If you have the attitude of “my way, or no way”
and when you do not have the things you want “your way,” you may then become
more easily susceptible and vulnerable to depression.
Disappointment
and frustration
Disappointment
and frustration are most common experiences, and they can be due to just about
anything in life. But one of the most common sources is people: from one’s spouse who does not meet one’s expectations;
from one’s children, who are disobedient or rebellious to one’s values and
principles; from one’s parents who do not approve of one’s behavior and
temperament, or, even worse, who wish they had never given birth to one.
Disappointment
and frustration are more acutely felt when an individual has a distinct and
strong ego-self, who loves himself or herself more than anyone else.
Self-criticism
and self-denial
Self-acceptance
is an important element in the art of living well. We must all learn to accept
ourselves as who we are, and not as who we wish we were. We must never cherish
unrealistic expectations of ourselves, which may often lead to low self-esteem.
In other words, a perfectionist, ironically enough, may become more easily
susceptible to the ultimate lack of self-esteem, which is frequently expressed
in depression.
If you
cannot accept yourself as who you are in spite of your imperfections and
shortcomings, how can you accept others as who they are? If you do not love
yourself as who you are, how can you love others as who they are? The bottom
line: self-acceptance holds the key to having better relationships with others,
which is often the source of human happiness.
Comparison
and contrast
Any
comparison and contrast between self and others—or even between the current
self and the self in the past—is often a stumbling block to self-contentment,
the lack of which will direct one’s thoughts inward and generate depression.
Indeed, if you are discontent with what you have or what you are, while
matching an area of your own deficiency with that of someone else’s obvious
strength, you are in fact preparing the groundwork for your own depression. It
is just that simple!
Despair
and despondency
Feeling
trapped in a dire situation or circumstance with no foreseeable exit only
distresses the mind. It could be any situation or circumstance, such as getting
an unwanted pregnancy, having several children early in a marriage saddled with
many financial burdens but with no vocational skills, being stuck in a bad love
relationship with no way out, and many other despairing and despondent
situations.
Adversity
and loss
Adversity
and loss are inevitable in life. Adversity may come in many different forms,
such as accidents, injuries, and diseases; while loss can be physical loss,
such as loss of mobility, material loss, such as loss of a home due to
foreclosure, mental loss, such as loss of memory, spousal loss, such as
separation or bereavement, and spiritual loss, such as loss of life purpose and
meaningful existence in life.
Inactivity
and lack of goals
An
inactive individual is more vulnerable to depression, because that individual
spends most of his or her time drifting about and doing nothing in particular.
By the same token, an individual lacking life goals ceases to struggle in
life—that may explain why depression is more frequent among the senior and the
elderly. Man is basically a goal-seeking creature. Therefore, after reaching
one goal, an individual should set another higher goal in order to avoid the
feeling of being letdown after the achievement of the goal, and thus setting
off a depression.
The
bottom line: never stay in a mental vacuum; always keep yourself mentally and
physically busy and engaged, with something to look forward to. Remember, happy
people always have strong goals, which have little to do with money, according
to Earl Nightingale, an American
author and motivational speaker.
Regret
and self-pity
A
depressed individual often looks back at the past with anger and bitterness,
accompanied by regret and self-pity. “What if” and “I wish it were” are always
on the mind of that depressed individual, wishing things were different. Regret
and self-pity always go hand-in- hand with that depressed individual.
Biological
malfunction and chemical imbalance
Of
course, with the advancement of modern medicine, medical authorities have now
attributed many cases of depression to biological malfunction, such as an
abnormal thyroid, or imbalance of certain brain chemicals. However, it should
be pointed out that it is difficult to determine whether it is the thinking
mind or the chemical imbalance that actually causes the biological
malfunctioning. The explanation is that an individual’s own negative or
self-destructive thinking patterns may also ultimately lead to the chemical and
hormonal imbalance in that individual.
Therefore,
we should always look at the whole picture, and not just a part of it; after
all, depression is a complex and complicated disease of the mind, and we are
also living in a world of depression.
My Way! No Way
TAO Wisdom To Live And
Survive In A World Of Depression
TAO wisdom may enlighten you so that you can ultimately free yourself from depression, or at least
look at your own depression very differently.
TAO is looking at life not as a series of both happy and unhappy episodes, but simply as a journey of self-discovery and self-awakening to the real meaning of life existence. You are defined not by your words and thoughts, but by the ways you act and react, as well as the impact you may have on others around you. You exist not because you are simply here; you are here in this world to love and to learn how to live, as well as to help one another do the same."
Stephen Lau
Copyright©
by Stephen Lau
